First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
