Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want a musical about memes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
