Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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