Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
