I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
