My brain says no but my pants say off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
