Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how drunk are you?
Several
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
