He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The air was thick with penises
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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