I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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