The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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