I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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