Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
