are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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