i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
