im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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