When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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