Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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