my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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