You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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