he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
