On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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