we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We talked him into tasing himself.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
