Ketchup is God's man juice
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
