Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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