Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Buhtt sex?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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