You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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