Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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