..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
