Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
