I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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