how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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