yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
