i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
