I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
