It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
