You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"it" just moved
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
