Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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