well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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