i wish starbucks made bloody marys
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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