If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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