Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sext me about skeletons
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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