the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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