the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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