First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
