I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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