but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
