Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
