He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
