Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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