I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
and you fell through a lawn chair
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
