neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
