somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
