i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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