I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
