I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
