When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The feeling are messing with the penis
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
