I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
