so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
