after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
