I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
