I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
