i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
