Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize