I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i think i just lost a toe
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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