I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
