I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
