i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
